Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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