I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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