Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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