I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
