Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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