On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
