This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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