if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
