You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
