are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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