Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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