I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
