Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
