Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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