Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
