just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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