I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
