I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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