i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
