If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
