so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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