You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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