Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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