Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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