would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
