Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
