im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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