dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
