She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
