come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
