the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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