I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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