i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
