It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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