my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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