I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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