My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
