Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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