I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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