He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
