Need sex. Gaining weight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
