well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
