it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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