walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
