I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
