Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
