the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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