definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
