There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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