My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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